Many people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, and I completely understand where they’re coming from. You learn a lot in your first year and have seemingly endless amounts of adjusting to do.
However, what you don’t hear as often is how much you’ll learn in your first month of marriage!
In just one month of marriage, your relationship will have gone through several new ups and downs—hopefully more ups than downs—and you’ll have learned a lot about each other.
Everyone says marriage is difficult, and it can be hard to explain in what ways it can be difficult to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I’ll give it my best shot and share with you some of the things I learned in my first month as a Christian newlywed.
So let’s get started! Here are 13 things you’ll learn in your first month of marriage.
1 – ‘Husband and Wife’
As much time as you’ve spent planning your wedding and preparing for marriage, the actual label of husband or wife sounds a little weird coming out of your mouth (or anyone else’s, for that matter).
As a newlywed, it didn’t feel weird to say that I was married, but the fact that I was someone’s wife? That’s a whole new story.
In fact, it made the list of 29 things I didn’t expect on my wedding day.
You’ll grow into your new role with time but be prepared for the initial adjustment period, particularly in your first month of marriage.
2 – Men & Women are Different
I’m sure this one doesn’t come as a shock to you as the differences between men and women are usually discovered at some point while dating; however, these differences are often more prevalent as a newlywed spouse.
Men and women typically have different needs in a relationship or at least different levels of the same needs or ways they’d like those needs to be met. Now I’m not just talking about libido, although sexual intimacy in marriage is one common point of contrast between men and women.
You’ll likely find that you and your spouse have mismatched communication styles and unspoken expectations for each other. This is common in both relationships and marriage, and it’s just one reason why communication is essential (which we’ll talk about shortly).
Just because you and your husband or wife are quite different from each other doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy married life together! Your relationship is something you both need to work on and improve each and every day.
3 – Unexpected Habits
Discovering your partner’s ‘weird’ habits is something many people expect in marriage, but it’s still quite the adjustment!
Everyone has their own tendencies and ways of doing things that seem perfectly normal to them but may come across as strange to others.
In your first month of marriage, you’ll discover all sorts of weird tendencies like the weird gagging noise they might make when brushing their teeth, their drastically different view on bodily noises, or how much time they spend in the bathroom. I don’t think I’ll ever understand that one…what is it with men and how long they spend on the toilet?
My personal newlywed advice? Yeah, they might have all sorts of weird—and sometimes gross—habits, but you have habits that they’ll think are weird too. Try to be patient and loving as you adjust to living together.
4 – Upbringing Differences
Along with weird habits, in the first month of your marriage, you’ll soon realize you were raised very differently.
You’ll find out you both load the dishwasher differently, have different methods for things like cleaning and cooking, and have varying time frames after which you won’t eat old leftovers, among many other things.
It’s okay that you both do things differently! Try to keep in mind that there isn’t a right or wrong way to accomplish most tasks. Sure, one might be better in your option but try to be patient and avoid nitpicking everything your spouse does differently than you.
It will take a lot of time and hard work, especially if you’re the picky one in the relationship—I too, am the picky one and am still working on this aspect every day—but as my mom likes to say: ‘pick your battles’. Try not to make a big deal about the small things!
5 – Communication is Key
Great communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, especially for people getting married. Adjusting to newlywed life comes with enough challenges even if you’re both excellent communicators.
In my opinion, the #1 reason why couples fight is miscommunicated expectations. Make sure both you and your spouse are on the same page, especially if you have a specific plan or way you would like things done.
For example, if you would like a text when your spouse arrives at his or her destination, make sure they know about it! Take time to discuss times that said expectation might not apply, like when you’re driving a shorter distance such as to work or the grocery store, and times when it’s more important to receive a text message.
If this specific example is something you’re struggling with, check out the 5 Best Apps for Couples: Newlywed Edition for a great app my husband and I have used to solve this problem!
If your spouse doesn’t know that you expect a text letting you know they made it safely, you’re setting yourself up for a disappointment that could’ve easily been avoided.
6 – Intimacy Takes Time to Learn
If you’ve waited until marriage to be intimate together, here is one great piece of marriage advice: intimacy takes time to learn. Like everything else in life, you won’t be amazing on your first try, and things will likely seem a little more awkward in the beginning because everything is new.
You’ll likely find that intimacy in marriage is different than expected, and it can be hard to know where to turn for appropriate resources! My husband and I have been married for seven months and are still learning new things.
If you’re struggling with marital intimacy, communication about sex, or knowing where to start, check out these great sexual intimacy tips & resources.
7 – Learning to Live Together
Living together is awesome, and can provide you with a whole new level of support in your relationship; however, it does come with a new set of difficulties as you learn how to share the same space and blend your lifestyles together.
Your spouse can be a great help to you as you work together to accomplish your goals and make each other’s lives easier! Just make sure to keep in mind that a wonderfully supportive partner who anticipates and fulfills your every need doesn’t exist—especially at the beginning of your marriage.
Once again, patience is your friend during this adjustment period. For now, I’d also recommend picking up the habit of looking for and appreciating the little things that your spouse does for you instead of getting hung up on the things that they don’t.
8 – How to Share a Bed
Along with learning to live together, you’ll also learn how to share a bed as a newlywed.
Sharing a bed is new, but very comforting. In your first month of marriage—and likely for a while after that first month—you’ll spend time adjusting to sleeping next to someone.
You’ll likely find that one of you prefers to be cooler when they sleep. In my case, my husband likes to be cool and I have to be warm to sleep—if my feet are cold, I literally can’t fall asleep.
An electric blanket is my best friend in the winter months! If you also enjoy sleeping all warm and cozy, you should try an electric blanket! You can preheat your side of the bed the other side can still be cool.
If you’re a light sleeper, the additional movement and sound will also take some time to get used to—especially if your spouse snores. Don’t worry, though, there are a lot of perks that come with sharing a bed!
Personally, I’ve appreciated the warmth and comfort of cuddling and feel so safe and secure while sleeping next to my husband. It’s one of the best feelings! Electric blanket season is even a little bit shorter now that there’s an extra body in the bed!
9 – You Might be Easily Irritated
Any amount of change is hard to adjust to—and marriage comes with numerous changes.
In my first month of marriage, I discovered just how easily irritated I am. My sweet husband must’ve been praying for patience because he was certainly blessed with me to help him learn.
I’ve always been very particular about certain aspects (or most everything, if you ask my husband), but there’s just something about those who are closest to us being able to push our buttons so easily, especially given the amount of time you and your spouse spend together.
This is where communication, setting expectations, and a lot of gratitude for the little things your spouse does come into play. Look for little ways you can improve and try each day to be a little bit better.
As time goes on you’ll find ways to improve communication and lessen your irritation, you might find some great fight-preventing products like we have!
We all have room to grow, I’m right there with you, we’ll work on improving our marriages together!
10 – To Appreciate Differences
One of the biggest things you’ll learn in your first month of marriage is how different you and your spouse are. I’m pretty sure the word ‘different’ has been used a million in this post, but that’s the best way to describe newlywed life and adjusting to marriage.
The word different usually has a negative connotation, but you can use your differences to better your marriage! As time goes on, you will even learn to appreciate your differences.
You can use your varying strengths to your advantage! For example, my navigation skills rely almost 100% on my phone’s GPS. My husband is great with directions, so that’s been something that has benefitted me immensely, and it goes both ways!
Handling finances is one of my strengths, so I take the lead there. You can also split household chores the same way; chances are your husband or wife won’t mind doing the one chore that you hate.
If you can leverage both of your strengths, you—and your relationship—will be better for it!
11 – The Name Change Process
Along with your wedding thank you cards, changing your name is one of the last wedding-related tasks to complete soon after you get married.
On the off chance that you don’t already know, I can confirm that changing your name is a painful process! Adjusting to a new last name isn’t a cakewalk either.
Take my advice and start the process early, making sure to prioritize the most important things and work your way through the list. If the name change process seems daunting and you don’t know where to start, you can purchase a name change kit (or better yet for all of you brides-to-be, put one on your registry) to make it easy!
12 – Marriage is Hard…
Marriage is a big adjustment and yes, it’s difficult! You can talk to any married couple and they will tell you that marriage is hard work.
There will be days when you’re frustrated with your spouse and you just need your space, and in the early stage of your marriage those days might seem more frequent than you’d like or what you expected when you said ‘I do’.
13 – …But it’s So Worth it!
Both you are your spouse need to be committed to each other and your marriage to make things work. There’s no denying that being married is hard, but it’s so rewarding and helpful to have a partner to help in every aspect of your life!
While you will have days when you’re frustrated and don’t know what to do, there will be so many other days when you’ll feel so blessed to have such an amazing husband or wife by your side!
If you feel like you’re on the marriage rollercoaster during your first month of marriage (or even your first year of marriage), you’re not alone!
Ups and downs will come and go during your marriage, but if you work through them together you and your relationship will be better for it! Make your marriage something worth fighting for.
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