My husband and I watched He’s Just Not That Into You for the first time the other night. I saw it at Goodwill for a couple of bucks a year or two ago and into the shopping cart it went. Needless to say, it seemed far past time to take the disc for a spin!
Although the movie is jam-packed with recognizable actors, it’s simultaneously loaded with all sorts of crappy relationships and backstabbing people. Dating, Break-ups, an affair—you name it, it’s in there.
In between all of the drama, though, there are some great life lessons that’ll get you thinking!
He’s Mean Because He Likes You
In the first few minutes of the opening scene, a very interesting point is made: from a very young age girls are taught that when a boy is mean to them it means they like them.
Regardless of the boy’s actual feelings or intentions, adults love to use similar phrases to make girls feel better. It seems like it’s almost a way of consoling by stroking their ego.
I remember being teased by younger boys throughout elementary school and junior high. I was told that the reason they were teasing me was because they liked me.
What? Okay, I’ll play along. Let’s say one of these boys did like me.
Do we really want to push young girls into all of the drama-filled mind games that come with the whole territory of dating? There’s plenty of time for that when they’re older.
Not only that but teaching girls from a young age that it’s okay for boys to treat them horribly? I’m pretty sure that’s how the whole bad-boy appeal was formed.
Rude Behavior = Romantic Feelings?
If a woman is conditioned from the time that she can stand that any amount of teasing or rude behavior from men implies romantic feelings, it only makes sense that she’d be attracted to someone who could never treat her the way that she deserves to be treated!
Along those same lines, what happens if someone comes along who treats her exactly the way she should be treated? She might feel like that man doesn’t love her as much as said ‘bad boy’ because he’s not exhibiting that behavior that she’s been conditioned to interpret as a romantic interest.
She might think there’s no spark or chemistry between them because he doesn’t make fun of her relentlessly like her ex did, or because they don’t yell at the top of their lungs when they fight.
None of these things are healthy, and this conditioning needs to stop!
Making Excuses for the Truth
The movie goes on to say that women often make excuses for the way a man is, or isn’t, behaving. For example, why no one is asking them out, why a certain man isn’t calling them back, or why they can’t get a man to commit.
They’ll say things like ‘It’s probably a busy week at work’, ‘I’m sure he’s waiting for the right moment to call’, or ‘You are so put together he’s probably intimidated’.
The truth is, most of the time these excuses are exactly that, excuses. We use these because we don’t want to use the harsh truth: maybe he’s just not that into you.
While I agree with the point that is made here, I also think it’s important to consider a woman’s feelings. There’s no need for rude bluntness, but we shouldn’t lead a woman to believe a man is interested when he’s showing signs of the opposite.
If They’re Interested, You’ll Know
It’s important that you don’t assume any sort of interest or disinterest early on. Instead, look for signs and see which of the two feelings said signs point to.
As mentioned in the movie, if someone is interested in you, you’ll know. I absolutely agree with that statement!
When I started spending time with my now-husband and decided I was interested in getting to know him better. My next steps? I decided to ask him out instead of leaving things to question.
He returned the interest and asked me on a second date just a few days later. As we were dating, and even before we started dating, I never had to wonder if he was interested.
He was consistently and quickly texting me back—which is normal for him, but some people are just bad texters. He was always around me when we were in a group and he was quick to throw compliments my way.
Even I could tell that he was interested, and I’m not the greatest at picking up signals!
I think one thing you need to remember is to try not to read too far into things. While this is 1000x easier said than done, you will be much calmer and at peace with where you’re at in life if you try not to overanalyze and instead choose to take everything one step at a time.
You’re Not the Exception, You’re the Rule
One of the bigger points made in the movie is that most women are the ‘rule’ and not the ‘exception’. The stories we go around telling each other are usually about women who are the ‘exception’, but most women don’t actually fall into that category.
For example, say you have a friend who tried dating apps for a few months, met someone, fell in love, got engaged, was married shortly after, and has been happily married for 10 years. Your friend may tell you that you can meet great people on dating apps, just as she did! If you look at her story, however, you’ll see that she is the exception to the typical ‘rules’.
Most people on dating apps don’t find a spouse after just a few months of dating, that’s extremely rare. Does it happen? Well, your friend is living proof, but that’s the exception. Most people are the ‘rule’! They have to do the time and date a lot of people to eventually find one that they fit well with.
To sum things up…
All in all, there are quite a few key takeaways from the movie He’s Just Not That Into You.
For one, we need to do away with the phrase ‘that means he likes you’. If someone is mean to you that definitely doesn’t mean they like you, so let’s make sure we don’t teach that to our daughters so they won’t have that additional mental obstacle to deal with later in life.
Dating is just plain frustrating, no doubt about it! We typically make excuses for behavior because no one wants their interests to be unrequited, but trust me, there is someone better out there for you—and if they’re interested, you’ll know.
Whether you’re the exception or the rule, you’ll find an amazing partner one day, but for now, just take it one date at a time.
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