No matter how much you try to avoid it, comparison has a major influence on your life! This is especially true when it comes to dating and relationships, particularly when looking at your own relationship timeline and dating history.
We’ve all heard how being confident and comfortable in our own skin is important, but when it comes to dating it often seems like the confidence we’ve worked so hard for has disappeared.
You might find yourself looking around and thinking ‘When will it be my turn? Don’t I deserve to find happiness too?’
Relationship Timelines & Comparison
Trust me, we’ve all been there and know how you feel.
First of all, you absolutely deserve happiness! It’s not something you should have to earn, everyone is worthy of love.
Second, as much as you can avoid it, please try to avoid basing your happiness and value on where you’re at in your relationship timeline. It will only bring you sadness, and you shouldn’t anchor your feelings to something that’s out of your control.
Finding Your Own Path
Growing up I always felt behind in my love life. My mom met my dad in college in a ballroom dance class and was married at age 19.
In my first semester of college, I took a ballroom dance class hoping to have the same odds and I didn’t even get asked out on a date. I had even asked a guy out only to be canceled on at the last minute because he’d rather go to a football game with his friends.
I had my first kiss at 22. My sister, who is 5 years younger than me, kissed someone before I did.
If you’ve had similar experiences you know by now that they sting a little.
I spent the majority of my young adult years feeling behind. Like an eternal third wheel.
Do you know what the problem was with that?
It had nothing to do with my situation and everything to do with my attitude.
Happiness and Attitude About Relationships
It’s so important to find happiness where you’re at, and not wish away your life while claiming you’ll be happy when ‘x’ happens.
‘I’ll be happy when I’m asked out on a date’.
‘I’ll be happy when I have my first kiss’.
‘I’ll be happy when I’m in my first relationship’.
These things will never make you happy—at least not lasting happiness. As soon as you hit one milestone you’ll be yearning for the next one. Don’t delay your happiness like this!
Here’s the hard truth: you cannot base your relationship timeline on someone else’s.
You are two completely different people with different paths in life.
I don’t care if you are identical twins, your lives will still be completely different from each other.
So, while you’re living your life and seeing where it takes you, what can you do on your off days when you’re feeling like you’re not where you want to be?
Avoid Comparison
One of my favorite quotes is ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’
If you sit there and make comparison after comparison soon you’ll feel like your whole life has been wasted and you haven’t accomplished any of the things that your friends have.
It’s extremely easy to see the bad in ourselves and compare it to the good in others.
Comparison is only human, it allows us to make judgments that we base decisions around, but we need to be careful with the things we compare.
When you start comparing your life to someone else’s, try to catch yourself and instead remember the things you’ve done that you’re proud of. A positive affirmation can go a long way!
Enjoy Being Single
My mom used to tell me to enjoy being single because it won’t last forever.
Your single years are the only ones where you can focus all of your time, money, and energy on yourself. Take this time to explore new hobbies and interests, or develop new skills.
It’s important to understand who you are—and that’s much easier to figure out when you’re not simultaneously trying to figure out who someone else is.
There are worse things than being single!
Before I started dating my husband I went on a date with a guy I matched with online.
Let me tell you, it was the worst date of my life.
He asked me two questions the whole night (one of which being my opinion on the covid vaccine and how he thinks I’ll be okay even though I got it) and spent the evening talking about his crazy ‘religious-backed’ end-of-times theories and cringey YouTube videos he makes in his parent’s basement.
When that night was finally over I knew that if I was given the choice to date him or be single, I’d choose the latter in a heartbeat, if not quicker.
You don’t need to go on a horrible date to have this realization, just enjoy your single years and enjoy life—it’s not meant to be purely endured.
Choose How You Define Yourself
Your dating life and relationship experience does not define you.
Again, and I cannot stress this enough: where you’re at in your relationship timeline DOES NOT define you!
In fact, you get to choose how you define yourself! How you feel about yourself.
Don’t base your worth and self-esteem on how many dates you’ve gone on this year or how many weeks or months a relationship has lasted. Dating doesn’t require putting yourself through all of that unneccessary stress!
Trust me, if they like you, you’ll know!
You’re not competing with anyone but yourself, and you’ve got your whole life to grow and improve in whatever area you choose.
Don’t Waste Time Waiting
So we’ve talking about finding your own relationship timeline, but the word timeline makes it seem like nothing is within your reach or control.
That’s simply not the case!
If you want to go on more dates, don’t sit around waiting for someone to ask you out, ask them out yourself!
I know it’s nerve-wracking, and yes, they might say no, but what if they don’t?
I’ve asked out 5 guys in my life and only one of them resulted in a date. However, that one guy who said yes ended up being my husband!
Plus, when I asked him out he was even more interested in me because that takes confidence, something that will always make you seem more attractive.
Life goes on whether you’re waiting or actively pursuing what you want, and it will go on with or without you.
Do Not Settle
I’m sure you have heard plenty of stories from friends or family who settled and ended up in unhappy relationships. Don’t be that person!
The temporary feeling of satisfaction you get when you no longer feel behind is temporary! It will soon be overshadowed by the fact that you’re not happy in the relationship.
Remember, you are on your own path and have your own timeline. You can’t compare it to anyone else’s, and you shouldn’t try to because it will only end badly.
The right relationship is worth the wait.
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